How I Wrote and Rewrote (and Rewrote) the Book That Got Me My Agent
Spoiler Alert: It took a long time.
January 2025
You meander along a salty shore, the January light harsh and blinding. As you walk, something white blooms among the froth. It’s an old manuscript, the pages filled with scribbled notes and crossed out text. You attempt to read, but the parchment dissipates in your hands, another secret swallowed by the sea…
Welcome to What the Sea Dragged In, the new newsletter by yours truly, Natalie Kikić (though you can call me Nat). If you’ve stumbled upon this newsletter and don’t know much about me, then hello! I’m a Croatian American writer based in New England who writes haunting and romantic speculative fiction.
In this newsletter, I would like to share different tidbits of my writerly life, including what I’m working on, thoughts on the craft of writing, and what books I’m currently enjoying (and cat pics, always cat pics). However, the topic I wanted to share about today—How I Wrote and Rewrote (and Rewrote) the Book That Got Me My Agent—turned out to be very long, so I decided to mainly focus on that for this first newsletter.
But first, some fresh tidings:
As I just mentioned, the biggest news lately is that I got an agent! I am now represented by Elizabeth Pratt at Trellis Literary Management. I’m so grateful to have such an amazing champion in my corner, and I’m so excited to work with her to bring my Gothic Horror-Romance, House of Lavender, out into the world.
The day I got The Email, I was sitting at my desk working my day job (Instructional Designer). I was a little confused to see Elizabeth’s name pop up in my email, mainly because, well, I didn’t query Elizabeth. She wasn’t listed as open to queries on the Trellis website, and so I had queried a different agent at the agency. And according to the statistics on Query Tracker, I expected that agent to reply to my full manuscript soon. Elizabeth, however, responded instead, letting me know that the other agent had passed my manuscript onto her, that she had read it in two days, and loved it. *Cue panicked and excited screaming*
We scheduled a call, and two days later, I officially had an offer of representation. I was ecstatic—Elizabeth got my book so well and Trellis had an excellent reputation among my friends.
Further down in my newsletter, I will share my querying stats. But honestly, I don’t want that to be the focus of this newsletter. I was incredibly lucky that my querying journey was relatively short—just over two months. But the process of writing my book was much longer, filled with many rewrites, genre changes, and growth in my writing craft. And so, I am focusing on that part of my journey, because I believe it was partly that perseverance (and partly luck!) that got me to this point.
And so, I present…
How I Wrote and Rewrote (and Rewrote) the Book That Got Me My Agent
I started the book that became House of Lavender about 4.5 years ago, in April 2020. But the real story started even earlier, when I had hit a low in my life.
Late Summer 2019
My husband (then fiancé) and I had just finished up work contracts teaching in Shanghai and were preparing to embark on the next chapter of our lives—a Master’s program in Education in England. However, a few months before the program was set to begin, we found out, for very frustrating bureaucratic reasons, that we could not obtain visas to study in the UK. I will not go into the details, but they involved flying to another country to get tested for tuberculosis because we had been living in China, and we decided the risk of getting tested in time + the cost wasn’t worth it, and so we decided to withdraw from the Master’s program.
One thing to know about me is that I love to plan. I plan our travel itineraries, my yearly resolutions, my novels. It is a trait my mom likes to hound me for, telling me I plan too much (until of course I decide not to plan that one time in NYC out of spite and we all end up wandering forever looking for a place to eat, to which my mom asked, “Natalie, why didn’t you have a plan?” …Not bitter at all). Anyway, the plan for our new life in England that I had spent months daydreaming about was suddenly gone.
Now, I think this is one of the best things to ever happen to me. It led to me re-examining my career goals and pivoting to my current field, Instructional Design, which I enjoy much more than teaching. And it led to me writing my first complete novel. But at the time, I felt pretty lost.
As we figured out our next steps, my husband and I decided to stay with his family in Newfoundland, Canada. If you’ve never been to Newfoundland (which is pronounced New-fin-land, so that it rhymes with “understand”, something my American self had to learn), it’s not exactly the most pleasant place, weather-wise. It is known for RDF—rain, drizzle, and fog. On the plus side, where my husband’s family lives is quite beautiful, surrounded by swaths of forest and lakes. It is perhaps one of the best places to not have a plan, to just stay inside and be cozy and ponder your existence, which I did a lot of.
Amidst all that thinking and time, a dream that I’ve had for years began poking through the surface—writing a novel. Like most writers, it’s a goal that first bloomed young. I’d had some stabs at it, but my efforts always fizzled out, falling to the wayside amidst work and dating and traveling. However, as November and Nanowrimo approached, the dream prodded at my heart more sharply—now seemed like the perfect time to attempt a novel again. For real.
And so, for the month of November 2019, I got up at 5 am and wrote. I can’t even fully remember why I woke up that early, since I didn’t have many other obligations at the time, but I think it was mainly because it was time I could claim purely as my own, when no one would need me to do something else. I “won” Nanowrimo, penning 50,000 words of a dystopian novel that will never see the light of day. I felt so proud that I had committed to something and better yet, I had my first taste of writing community, joining virtual “write-ins” with a few other writers in my area.
April 2020
Fast forward to April 2020. To those familiar with Nanowrimo, this is when “camp” takes place, a time when you set your own word count goal. I decided to start a new novel, this one focused on Croatia, where my parents are from. I’d been reading more books by other diaspora writers, such as Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton and Once Upon a Sunset by Tif Marcelo. Both involve main characters traveling to the lands of their heritage, inspiring me to do something similar.
Thus was born version #1 of the book that got me my agent.
Version #1: Women’s Fiction
Before I go on, a disclaimer: My book has gone through so many versions, more than I can cover in this newsletter. To keep this segment somewhat condensed, I’ve categorized the versions into three genres. Just know that there were many more versions (and versions in-between those versions) than what I’ve listed here. I’ve also attempted to put time markers throughout this segment, but it was hard to pinpoint exactly when I transitioned to different versions, as different aspects of my story changed at different times.
In version #1, the book began with my protagonist, a Croatian American woman, working as a travel agent. She is newly returned from living abroad and aimless (sound familiar?). She is also disconnected from her Croatian heritage due to a dead mother and distant father. Inspired by a client and her unhappiness at her father’s new engagement, she travels to Croatia to meet her estranged maternal grandmother, who she’s never met.
Below are the first few paragraphs of this version. Before you read, please know I debated quite a bit about sharing these paragraphs. I cringed reading these opening pages. I am cringing now as I read them, and I will cringe endlessly. But I want to share in order to illustrate the growth I went through as a writer and how this book has transformed.
Chapter 1
“Late again….”
“Sorry, Jeff,” Zora called, “won’t happen again!” She crashed into the seat at her desk, her trajectory the exact opposite of the plane taking off into a glowing sunrise in the poster above her desk. The words, “New Horizons Travel Agency - Discover yourself,” proclaimed themselves from the bottom of the poster, taunting Zora Monday through Friday, from nine to five.
Jeff leveled his gaze at her before tossing a postcard on her desk. "Came for you."
Zora immediately recognized the crisp peaks of Machu Picchu against a deep blue sky. An alpaca stood in the foreground, head cocked, looking curiously at her from the postcard. A bright golden sun shone in the sky, blanketing the alpaca’s dense yet fluffy fur with a layer of white.
This version flailed shortly after Zora arrived in Croatia. For one, I gave her grandmother dementia, which I later realized made the story heavier in a way I didn’t originally intend. I also had a vague backstory for the family to explain their broken ties, which I didn’t fully love either. In short, I had a plan for getting my character to Croatia, but not much to carry her journey to the end.
During this time, I began finding critique partners through a beta reader group on Facebook. Also, as Covid hit full swing, I became more immersed in baking, especially Croatian baking. It became another way for me to connect with my heritage. I began reading books that mixed culture, food, and fantasy, such as those by Roselle Lim. And so, inspired by all these things, I changed my protagonist’s name and her profession to pastry chef, sparking Version #2 of my book.
Version #2: Women’s Fiction with speculative elements
Late 2020
In this version, the protagonist meets a famous chef she admires, who inspires her to connect with her roots if she truly wishes to excel at her craft. Since her father refuses to discuss his Croatian roots, she travels to Croatia to seek out her estranged maternal grandmother, who she has never met.
The speculative elements appeared in my story in different ways depending on the version. In some versions, the grandmother had magical baking skills, infusing memories into her baking. In other versions, the protagonist had baking magic, infusing her emotions into her baking, a skill she tried to suppress because it led to her mother’s death.
Here is one version of the opening page:
Chapter ONE
Baking is like magic.
At her job as a pastry chef, Roza understood this simple principle. With just the right combination of everyday ingredients, she could create something new, something greater than the sum of its parts. From golden tarte Tatins to light-as-air macarons, the desserts Roza made were as tasty as they were exquisite.
But the real magic was in the first bite. It had the power to transport the eater to another time and place, to recall something or someplace sweet—a beloved childhood memory or the bliss of falling in love.
As Roza discreetly scooped a crumbled corner of her latest creation, a French walnut tart, she closed her eyes. A melody began to play in the deep confines of her memory.
She was nine years old again, baking with her mother...
Around this time, I joined the Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA). While I’ve joined a few associations throughout my writing journey, this one was by far the most useful to me. They have monthly workshops on various craft topics and critique partner matching services. I met critique partners through the WFWA that I’m still in contact with. I also met the book coach and author, Lidija Hilje, through the WFWA, who generously offered to look over my outline when I posted asking for help. (I am so excited for her upcoming book, Slanting Towards the Sea, which you can preorder here.)
One thing I realized was that I didn’t love starting my book in the U.S. I felt the story didn’t truly begin until my protagonist arrived in Croatia. I noticed that several books, such as Next Year in Havana, started with the protagonist’s arrival in the new setting, weaving in backstory throughout. So I wrote a new opening, with the story beginning in Croatia.
Chapter One
My mother used to tell me the sea ran in my veins. As long as you're near it, you'll always feel at home.
As the ferry approaches Olib, Croatia, the island where she grew up, I realize she couldn’t have been more wrong.
My insides churn in anxious waves as a voice crackles over the intercom, announcing our impending arrival. Inhaling a deep breath of humid, salty air, I reach for my bag, searching for my mother’s passport. Now that I’m here, I need to see her face, though I’m not sure what help it can bring.
This passport, unlike mine, is brown and worn. A golden flame shines on the aged vinyl cover surrounded by sprigs of wheat that join into a star. Below it reads, SFR Jugoslavija, accompanied by more words written in Cyrillic. Like a secret password, challenging me to understand.
This version prevailed for a long time. There are some lines in this version that are still in my manuscript to this day. But still, my story started to feel lackluster by the time I got to the midpoint. There was still baking magic, but it didn’t really show up until the second act, with vague origins related to a family curse. I received critiques that I needed to infuse the fantasy elements in my story earlier, to fulfill genre and reader expectations. But I struggled to do this, to balance all the elements, to create a story that felt coherent and complete.
I got frustrated. I took a break. I wrote one act of a contemporary Romance. I returned to my novel and rewrote parts. I got frustrated again and took another break. I wrote the first draft of a Fantasy novel during Nanowrimo 2022. I dabbled in short stories.
Throughout this time, I also struggled with, for lack of a better word, my author brand. What kind of author did I want to be? What kind of stories did I most enjoy? What did I want to be known for? The answers were something different than the tale I was crafting. Something darker.
In hindsight, I believe that I started this novel in a way that was most accessible as a newbie writer, something modeled closely after my own experiences. But as I grew, I developed a better lens for what I wanted to achieve. And I developed the skills to achieve them.
And so, when I eventually came back to my novel after another break, I decided I wanted to make it Gothic.
Version #3: Gothic Horror-Romance
Early 2023
In this version, I took the curse idea that had been lurking in the background in several previous drafts and brought it to the forefront. The protagonist’s family was cursed, and this manifested in a creepy house and nightmares about the past.
Something still wasn’t clicking though, and it took me a while to realize that the old versions of my story were competing with the new. For example, in all versions of my book, my protagonist revived an old cafe her family used to own in an effort to get closer to the locals and learn her family’s secrets. But that cafe was stealing focus from the true star of my story—the haunted house.
I also had a revelation around this time. While I was working on short stories, I had done more research on Croatian folklore. I loved one element of my research so much that I decided to make it the core horror element of my novel. In other words, taking a break and working on something else helped me return to my novel with fresh ideas.
Summer 2023
I cut the family cafe. I fleshed out the origins of the curse. I incorporated the folklore element and created a new character with a historical timeline. I added her POV in third person, got about halfway through the book, and changed it to first person. Realized her backstory was too complicated and simplified. Started again. Realized how I wanted the historical and present timelines to intersect. Started again. Luckily, the voice of the character in the historical timeline came to me fairly easily, and I loved writing her, which made the rewrites bearable.
For a long time, my story still retained an aura of Women’s Fiction, and it took many critiques and rewrites to imbue the story with a darker feel. I went from labeling my story as a Gothic novel with romantic elements to a Gothic Horror-Romance.
Summer 2024
In June, I finally completed a second draft of my novel that I was happy with and shared it with a few trusted critique partners. By July, I received positive and really helpful feedback. I revised, and shared the book with new beta readers, specifically asking them about the points that my critique partners brought up in the previous draft. After receiving their feedback, I did another round of revisions. By October, I was ready to start querying.
I’ve decided not to share the opening page of the book in its querying form, but I will say that it started with a prologue from the POV of the house. This POV was a later addition that I sprinkled throughout the story, and one of my favorite things about the book.
October 2024
I felt confident in my submission materials due to the feedback I’d received, and after hearing about the longer wait times while querying, I decided not to query in batches. I sent about 40 queries over the course of a weekend, sending out more queries as time went on.
My querying journey started out high, with several full requests coming in, but then as rejections trickled in and then silence, I started to lose confidence. The phrase “casually cruel in the name of being honest” from Taylor Swift’s song, All Too Well, flitted through my mind more than once. However, all the feedback I’d received was too vague or subjective to address, so I decided not to make any revisions and wait it out.
I started to mentally distance myself from House of Lavender in order to focus on my next book. Maybe this book wouldn’t be the one, I told myself. At least it taught me how to write. In hindsight, I realize it was far too early to lose hope, especially when others have queried far longer than I did, but I want to be transparent about my feelings during that time. It was a coping mechanism to keep afloat. If I distanced myself, then I wouldn’t be as hurt if I had to eventually shelve the book.
On the night of November 19th, I was feeling particularly emotional about my novel. I’d just finished reading an ARC of the amazing book, The Artist of Blackberry Grange by Paulette Kennedy (which can be preordered here). Like my book, it focused on the protagonist’s relationship with an elderly family member, and it made me wonder if I’d get a chance to share my story. And so, my emo self wrote this in my Notes app:
The next day, around 11 am, I received the email from Elizabeth that changed my life.
What followed was a vague era of my wildest dreams. I asked for a 2.5 week deadline (due to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday) to make a decision and received two more offers of representation from amazing agents.
I worried that my long writing journey would deter some agents, but that was not the case. And I’m confident that my next book won’t take as long, because I’ve grown as a writer and figured out my process (mostly).
Here are my querying stats:
Time in Trenches: 2 months
Total Queries Sent: 110
Full Requests: 27 (13 after offer)
Partial Requests: 2
Offers: 3
Request Rate: 24%
Though every writing journey is different, here are some lessons that I learned along the way. As with most writing things, your mileage may vary—take what resonates, leave behind what doesn’t.
Find your community. This is by far the top thing that kept me going through the years. One of my writing breaks literally ended the minute a friend messaged me that they believed in my book. I made most of my writing friends through Twitter and Instagram. Engage with people whose books strike your fancy. Start with swapping a few pages and then share more if it’s a good fit.
Along those lines, find critique partners in your genre that you trust. You don’t need the feedback of 20 internet strangers, and in fact, it could do more damage than good if the readers are unfamiliar with your genre.
Find your process. The book Dear Writer: You Need to Quit by Becca Syme says this much better, but basically, everyone has a different writing process that works for them. Don’t beat yourself up if someone else’s process (like fast drafting, not editing as you go) doesn’t work for you. For me, I found that I write best in the early morning, so I stick to that whenever possible. I also do a mix of plotting, fast drafting, then polishing in chunks.
It’s okay to take a break—in fact, breaks helped me immensely. They let your ideas simmer and they refill your creative well. Nothing beats pursuing the high of a new story that grips your imagination, and your old story will still be there when you’re ready to return to it.
When stuck with plotting, remember to keep it simple. Whenever I am stuck between two choices, I try to choose the simpler one. The one that’s easier to explain to someone else. For example, for a while, one of my main characters had a complicated backstory involving all these things that happened to her mother. Until I realized that I could just have all those things happen to my main character instead. It simplified her character significantly, and made her much more interesting.
Lean into your weird. So many times throughout my process, I wondered if my story was too weird or niche, or if some plot detail was too out there. But the more I read, the more I realized… there are so many weird books! What mattered was that the writer fully committed to their “weird” elements, and these often made the books stand out.
Don’t listen to your mind after 9 p.m. Just don’t. It’s tired and out to get you.
When rewriting, try to be objective about what should change. Don’t leave in parts simply because it’s easier than changing them. Ask a friend for their input or get fresh eyes if needed. It is painful to start anew, but your story will be stronger.
Celebrate accomplishments along the way. Commission that character art. Make that new moodboard. Have that fancy wine. These small wins will carry you through to the end.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with me. I promise my future newsletters won’t be as long.
And finally, if you’re currently struggling with your writing, or if you’re rewriting a novel, or contemplating rewriting… then I hope this newsletter gives you hope. Rewriting sucks. So much. But what kept me going is that every new version was stronger than the last, and closer to the story I wanted it to be. Take a break if needed.
But then, keep going.
Huge congrats! Thanks for sharing your journey, so interesting to read about your path. I’ve also had the privilege of working with Lidija and she’s incredible
I'm so thrilled for you!!